~this is going to be rant, so you've been warned~
i hate this. i hate this. I FUCKING HATE THIS.
my nan is sick, has been for quite a while. for the past few years it has been one thing after another. then in october she had a massive heartattack. she barely made it out of that alive, and even worse they messed up the shunt on her leg and had to amputate it. she barely made it through that operation as well, in fact there was about a 95% chance of her dying on the table because of her heart. see her heart is super bad. so bad that operating to fix her heart would with all certainty kill her. so they sent her home to "enjoy the time she had left."
well we took her to the doctors today and they told us that the mass on her lung looks like it's probably cancer. they pretty much unofficially told us it was cancer. they just need to get the results to confirm it. then the doctor said either her heart or her lungs are going to go, it's just a matter of which one goes first.
i need my nan, she's basically the only person in the world that i cannot live without. and i'm being told soon i will have to be. and i can't handle that. i just don't know what to do with myself anymore. all of my thoughts are leaning towards some pretty bad shit though.
xxx
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